What are the words you do not yet have?

10-23-2017 6-54-16 AM

Audre Lorde (from a speech delivered in Chicago, Illinois, December 28, 1977

The 3 page speech is at this link. Very powerful! https://www.csusm.edu/sjs/documents/silenceintoaction.pdf

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Playing our own little Game of Thrones


by Karen Y. Hamilton, October 11, 2017
“Larvatus prodeo, I come forward, masked.” René Descartes
I’m not making a lot of friends lately. Might even be losing a few. Ah well, what’re ya gonna do? My research for the last few years (and in my MFA program) is centered around silence and secrets. How those are used in literature, specifically, and as an extension, in the psyche at large. Yeah, there’s been plenty written on the subject by some pretty influential people: Plato, Jesus, Rumi, Marx, Nietzsche, Foucault, Einstein, Spivak, poets by the millions…
But this little bit of journaling this morning is not about philosophy and literature. It is about this game, this game we are all supposed to be participating in. You know, the one where we mind fuck (sorry, Mother!) each other at every turn. Creating silences, obscuring language, reversing truths, creating power struggles with one person always left on the bottom getting trampled upon.
I don’t like it. I don’t like the game. I never have. And I simply am not playing it anymore. It makes me tired. And I already struggle with sleep issues, so thank you very much, um, no.
George Orwell says in Politics and the English Language, “The great enemy of clear language is insincerity.” Clear language. Unheard of! Does anyone out there really say what they mean? Ever? I keep trying to, but everyone keeps telling me I am wrong. So much for trying to be sincere – a concept which seems to be lost on society of any age.
On the issue of dating, more specifically, on the issue of men, I’m told over and over again that men are children and must be trained. I’m sorry. I find that offensive, degrading, and just absurd. But off I go – play the game, train the man, gain control and be the one in power. Absolutely exhausting. For every victory, there are a dozen battles lost. Since when did simply getting to know someone become such a battleground?
Ridiculous. For me anyway. The rest of you can have at it – move yourselves around in your own little world of Game of Thrones. This chick is over it. Just gonna say what I mean from now on. If I lose the seat on the Iron Throne, so be it. Don’t want to sit there anyway!
As usual, I digress. That’s okay because I’m saying what I MEAN. In my own roundabout way.
Okay, rant over. For now. You know I’ll be back to bore you. Or maybe make you think for yourself a little (I’m hoping).
I’ll leave you with this:
  • What would your world be like – your relationships, etc. – if you stopped playing the game?


  • If you said exactly what you are thinking in your brain without trying to manipulate someone or gain the almighty seat of power?
(And I am not talking about white lies, and those little pretends we do so as to not hurt someone’s feelings, like ‘That dress looks awful on you!)
Have a blessed afternoon!
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Morning Pages: “They paved paradise and put up a parking lot.”


By Karen Y. Hamilton, October 8, 2017

The moon is up there in a mostly cloudless sky and I can’t resist the pull to put pen to paper. Yesterday was interesting. I am still surprised (dare I say saddened) at some of the comments garnered on my post to a local thread expressing my feelings about the latest construction at my favorite place, the Jupiter Inlet. While I try, for the most part, to respect other’s opinions, I will admit that this turn of events got to me, reached right into my peaceful place and pushed that big red alert button.

The thread began as a simple lament on letting go (dear God, here we go again with the ‘let it go’ theme!). Watching concrete poured onto the dirt paths of this peaceful place got to me, tugged at my heart and soul in a way that only those who have followed me this last year would understand. It was just another loss for me, another moving on in a world that already moves too fast.

I agree the change is good for those who are handicapped or elderly. Cement paths are easier and safer for them to navigate. I thank those on that post who pointed that out. This eases my pain somewhat. But I can’t help but wonder how much change can we make to Mother Nature? How many ‘improvements’ must we make to force her to conform to our needs and wants? Do we continue to force her to conform to our needs until there is no nature left at all?

Joni Mitchell resounds in my head. “They paved paradise and put up a parking lot.” There is nothing I can do about it. The powers that be win over we nature loving peace ‘freaks’ every time.

Still. Not angry. Not ‘complaining.’ I am, as I said in my post, “not happy.” Meaning sad. Disappointed. Shall I digress into a linguistics lesson here? Look up the etymologies of ‘complain’ and ‘sad’? It is tempting but I won’t bore you with it. Say thank you!

Here is what I will complain about. People who feel they have the right to tell me how I feel or what I think. No one has that right. Not one person out there is allowed to tell me to feel happy or feel sad, to love or to hate. No one. My choice, not yours.

I am one of those people who needs to explore and disseminate information and it is always helpful to have my fellow man enter into a discussion with me about whatever issue. I do not require you to agree with me. I welcome the chance to have you change my mind. But do not for a moment think I will allow you to TELL me what I feel or think and expect me to fall at your feet (bend the knee) and thank you for your wisdom.

Progress in the form of pavement has come to my peaceful place. I accept that. As with the loss of anything we love, we mourn that loss. We are ‘not happy.’ And at 55, I am beginning to find more and more opportunities to practice ‘letting it go.’ This too I will let go now. Just know that I do not intend to keep quiet so that negative people can attack me. And I do not intend to stop lamenting the loss of my hometown as I knew it.

Blame it on age if you want. The memories of the old Jupiter live on in my mind and I have no intentions of ‘letting it go.’

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Embracing Imperfection: The Challenge of Finding the Perfect Relationship


by Karen Y Hamilton, September 26, 2017

A relationship is “the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.” Google

Entering into this single world at the age of 54 has been an enlightening experience for me. I am finding that familiar words that I thought I had a clear understanding of are rather transient and tend to drift around in meaning depending on who you are talking to. What is the meaning of a relationship? Just what does dating mean? What does girlfriend or boyfriend mean? Aside from the obvious denotative meaning…a friend who is a girl…a friend who is a boy. Sounds rather silly when you are 55 years old, doesn’t it?

Everyone has a different opinion about what defines a ‘relationship.’ We debate the term ‘in a complicated relationship’ on a Facebook thread. Well, seriously, aren’t they all complicated? Hell, isn’t life itself complicated? So just what is the deciding factor in whether you are ‘in’ a relationship or not? And here I have to ask myself if it even matters that it is defined at all.

The Oxford dictionary defines a relationship as “The way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected.” Isn’t that what we all are looking for in the first place? A connection. Notice that ‘connection’ is not elaborated upon. Now we have to define another word. Or maybe not. I suppose we all have our own ideas of what is connection for us; it is a highly subjective word.

Our egos want us to be ‘the only one.’ I, most certainly, just coming out of an extremely ‘complicated relationship’ with my ex-husband, find myself searching for a partner who will gaze moon-eyed at me like he did. Even he would laugh at that one and say, “Reality gets in the way.” Because that is the reality – we can never be the ‘only’ one in another person’s life. Not in the sense that our fragile egos crave anyway.

My friends tell me to keep my heart open and the perfect man will find me. That sounds nice. Unrealistic, but nice. What is perfection? Ah, another sticky term with multiple definitions. Perfection is not what I seek. Because I am far from perfect myself. And that of course depends on that definition again. I want to say that perhaps I am ‘perfect’ for someone out there, but even that is unrealistic to me.

Do I really want a man who thinks I am perfect in every way? Hell no. What is the challenge in that? I would much rather find someone who pushes me to new heights, dares me to move out of my comfort zone, shares in my journey to become more and more. And that is what I seek as well. Someone who does not think they are ‘perfect,’ someone who is ready to embrace all the imperfections and throw caution to the wind in a wild dash to live fully this imperfect life.

So, just what is our rush to lock it down? Be ‘in’ a relationship. My theme this year – not exactly of my choosing, but what the hell, it is working – has been ‘let it go.’ So this I am learning to let go. The need to accept what society urges – this need to be ‘in’ anything.

My therapist told me to write a list that contains all of the qualities I seek in my ‘perfect’ partner. Those of you who have tried online dating will find this familiar. I struggled with that damn list. Because as I wrote it I realized that my ‘perfect’ partner more than likely has a list of his own and odds are that he would not find all of his items in me. At 55 years old, I have plenty of imperfections – physically and emotionally. This concept of the ‘list’ is unrealistic to me, too pat, too ‘perfect,’ if you will.

So, I’m gonna skip this whole dating thing. Just live, ride the wave, breathe, etc. I am rather enjoying just being. When it comes to finding someone to share it all with, I prefer the lightning bolt approach. I’ll know him when I find him (or he finds me). The stars will burn brighter, the air around us will be charged, and reality will pale compared to the ‘connection’ between us. And none of this defining will make a bit of difference. We will just live, complete with all of our imperfections. I look forward to having fun with him, arguing with him, debating the complexities of the universe with him, loving him. And however that looks to the outside world, will be how I define ‘relationship.’

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Video Journaling – Vournaling?

If vlogging is video blogging, is vournaling video journaling? Can you come up with a better term? Please share your thoughts!

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Video Journaling


Serious question! What do you call a video journal? A vournal? A viary? A V-Journal?

What do you think?

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Time & Memory

Time keeps doing its thing, sometimes catching up with us, sometimes slipping sideways and eluding us. We mostly don’t pay any attention. Something in us wants to keep returning to the past and wondering if we could have done things differently might our lives have turned out for the better. But then, might they have turned out for the worse?

And there is where the statement, “If you do understand, things are such as they are. If you don’t understand, things are such as they are” comes in.

But we keep looking, don’t we? We keep reeling back through our memories and trying to figure out where we went wrong and where we went right and dwelling on all of the people and places and things that we would change if only we had the power. To go back in time. And we just don’t always have the control over what comes to the surface of our memory.

The more recent pains, mishaps, adventures gone askew taunt us and come unbidden with a frequency that takes our breath away and knocks us to our knees. And the losses. They especially creep in at odd moments to remind us of the empty spaces they left behind.

It is all about time. That elusive concept that some say does not even exist. As we move along through our every day and every night, time presses in on us and memory dims, dulls and erases. It just takes time. That is what everyone everywhere reminds us. And it is true.

Somewhere along the way we let go of what was and don’t even realize that we are no longer longing for one time or another. None of it is a fixed space anyway. Time is such a fluid animal.

Somewhere along the way we stop looking for the past to rise up and we just live.

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Dating After 50

ee8fca054dec21bdee2e2bac7e816e51 I’ve only been looking into this whole dating after 50 thing for about two months. Apparently, the rules have changed. To me though, the rules are the same. I’m still looking for men my age, so for them, the rules are pretty much the same.

This is not good news.

Read more: https://loveafter50blog.wordpress.com/2017/02/06/dating-after-50/

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Goodbye Brooklyn Hobo

I said goodbye to a beautiful, gentle man, Alexander Procho, author of Tales of the Brooklyn Hobo.

alex procho

I am very sad to report that on September 22, 2016 at 1:47 p.m. Alex passed away to his Holy Mountain. I will miss you forever, old man. Boo.

Proceeds from the sale of his memoir are donated to Treasure Coast Hospice in Martin County, Florida and to individuals who are recovering from alcoholism and addiction.

Please remember – hate the disease, never the person.

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Whitman Writing Quotes




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